Tumor

     Ethan works late tonight. He probably wont get home until twelve. Our apartment is quiet. The sliding screen door is open and the October breeze is making its way in. There is nothing but me and my thoughts. My thoughts......

Dear Future Child,

     I want you. There is nothing in this world that I would love to have more. We are anxious for you to make it to this world and to be a part of our eternal family. I want to be a mom. I want to hold you in my arms for the first time. I want to look after you and be your best friend like my mom and dad are to me. I want it so badly. Mom had quite a scare this month and the only thing I was most worried about was that I wouldn't be able to have you. I hope someday down the road you read this and truly know how much your father and I love you.

     Your dad and I went into the doctors office a couple weeks ago. I had been feeling funny and had been on my period for seven weeks. I just knew and felt something was wrong. Your father and I have been trying to get pregnant for seven months now with no luck. We got checked and everything seemed to be fine. The doctor took a couple of blood samples and we went on our way feeling that everything was ok and that it was just taking us awhile to get you.

     The next day I missed a phone call from Dr. Huish while I was at work. I noticed he had left me a message so I stepped outside and listened to the phone call. He had told me that my blood work came back and they were all fine except one and that I needed to call him right away. I was pretty startled and thankful that your grandmother worked at the same school as me. I walked down to her room and told her the news. Thirty minutes later your stubborn grandma made me call the doctor back. After anxiously waiting on hold for fifteen minutes the doctor told me the news. I had a very high amount of prolactin in my blood and this most likely is caused from having a tumor in the brain.....My body went numb and I just stared blankly at your grandmother. I hung up the phone and tried as best as I could to explain what the doctor had told me. All I could think was brain tumor......your grandma wrapped me in her arms as I cried and tried to wrap my head around it all. This was the scariest moment of your moms life. I have never felt so many emotions and I cant even explain in words how truly terrified I was.

     The doctor had told me that I needed to schedule a head x ray that day and we would go from there. The worst part of my day was not being able to get a hold of your father. I called and texted him over and over but never got an answer. He had work and school that day but he usually always answered my texts. I had to go through my whole day at work just wondering if there was a tumor in my head. So many of my questions unanswered. I had to hold back my tears the whole time and the minute I sat in my car I broke down. I went straight over to your Grandma and Grandpa Connollys house. Your grandma had called all of my brothers and sisters and grandparents letting them know what was going on.

     I had to leave right away to go get my head x rays but before I left I asked your grandpa to give me a blessing. Your Uncle Brett and Grandma gathered around me as my dad placed his hands on my head. I will cherish this blessing and memory the rest of my life. I have never felt so much love from my father in heaven and my father here on earth. They both truly knew what I needed to hear. I couldn't help but cry and even in this scary moment think of my many blessings. I could feel the love and spirit radiating from my fathers hands and I knew that I would feel peace. I am sure that your sweet spirit was in that room with me surrounding me with love and comfort.

     That night, still after not hearing from your father the whole day, I was finally able to go home. I had felt so much better after my blessing but as soon as I walked in the door of our little apartment I felt sick.Your dad jumped up and gave me a hug. I could see he was happy and glad I was home. He had no idea what kind of day I just had. I angrily asked him why he NEVER answered his phone and why I couldn't get a hold of him. He said he lost it. I broke down and told him what my day consisted of. At first your father thought I was joking. That I was trying to make up a story to get back at him for not answering my phone calls. After a couple of seconds he knew it wasn't a joke. We cried together on our tiny sofa and I stayed in his arms for who knows how long. I love your father. He is my other half. He knows me so well and took such great care of me that night. A couple hours later we called your Grandma Carla and Grandpa Brad and told them the news.

     That night your father called Brother Slade from our bishopric to come and help give me a blessing. Your father is a worthy priesthood holder and gave me an amazing blessing. I love him more and more each day and I don't know what I would do without him. Your father has strengthened my testimony on priesthood and I am so grateful to have a priesthood holder in our home. I got no sleep those two nights. Your father was my rock. There were so many people praying for me and I truly felt all of their prayers. My family was their for me when I needed them and were such a blessing to me.

   I waited three days before I got news of my head x ray. Once again we went into his office. They scheduled me for a pelvic ultrasound just so they can rule out all the options of why I wasn't being able to get pregnant. I waited patiently in the tiny room for about an hour. Finally the doctor gave me some news. He said there was good and bad. The good was that my head x ray came back normal. That there was no sign of damage from a tumor.(Although x rays do not pick up on tumors; you need an MRI for that). The bad was that my ultrasound came back and I had poly-cystic ovaries. He showed me a picture of my ovaries and there were tiny black dots all over them. The first thing I thought of was you. Would I be able to have you in my life? Would I ever be a mom? He told me he would prescribe me on three different medications which I am now taking to help me get pregnant. If I cant get pregnant within six months we will take an MRI of my brain and see what is happening in there.

     I know this is really long but I truly want you to know how much you mean to me already and I don't even know you. I want you to know that your father and I have been through some pretty rough weeks recently and that we are trying everything we can to bring you into our family. I want you to know that mom loves you and that I would drop anything for you. Your father loves you and wants you more than anything. Thanks for being so patient with us. I love you so much.


Love,
  Mom

 

My thoughts

I have been trying to look on the bright side of things so today I made a list of things that I am thankful for.

These are in no specific order.

1. My husband E. My rock. My lover. My life.

2. My in laws. We had a fam reunion this month on E's side and I got to know my sister in laws and nieces and nephews so much better.

3. My parents. So grateful to be living close to them and for ALL of the help they give Ethan and I.

4. My primary class. Not only do I love spending my Sunday with four year olds, I love that Ethan and I get to do it together. Callings with your spouse are the best.

5. Babies. I want one. BAD.

6. Vacations. Definitely stress relievers. Just got back from fam vacation to the beach and it was awesome! (I will post pics later)

7. Our apartment. Its not a home and nor will it be for a long time. Although I desperately wish we had the money for one. But I am grateful to have a place to spend my days with my man.

8. My Father in Heaven. He knows me better than anyone.

9. Chocolate. Yes, i'm an addict.

10. Our jobs. So grateful that they are paying the bills.

11. My iPhone. I know, stupid. But it makes my life so much easier. Chase mobile app is the bomb! Deposit your checks from your phone. Genius!  

12. My brothers and sisters. Thanks for giving me the BEST nieces and nephews ever!

13. My new hair cut! Thanks Heidi! Its amazing how a little change can make me feel so much better about myself.

My Little Hockey Player

My poor husband wishes he was a hockey player. He lives, eats, and sleeps hockey. Poor boy doesn't know when to give up. I found this left open on his computer screen the other day HAHA! I tell him when we have boys of our own he can live through them and sign them up for a hockey team.

He found this hockey helmet at the thrift store and pulled a fit because I wouldn't let him buy it.(it was a kids size and it didn't even fit his head)

 Although I must say...he would make one cute hockey player!

Graduated

That's right you heard me! Ethan and I are FINALLY graduates from Eastern Arizona College! GO MONSTERS!

Last Saturday we packed up our things and moved to Mesa. Such a bittersweet day. I had tears in my eyes as I looked back at the small town of Thatcher in my rear view mirror. Its the place that holds most of mine and ethans memories together. The place we met, dated, were engaged in, and lived in for our first year of marriage. Its sad to think that we will probably never go back to that small town. 

On the bright side we are happy to be living in Mesa. A fresh new start, new jobs, and continuing our education somewhere else. This part of our life is going to bring new changes, new experiences, hopefully new family members ( down the road.... although ethan and I are VERY baby hungry) new callings, and new friends! We already love our new ward and we only have gone to it once. Our apartment is SO much bigger than our last one and we are loving having our own washer and dryer and dishwasher! 

Ethan got the job at Sonic and I just got my job with the City of Mesa for the summer. I have had a couple of interviews for different full time jobs and I am praying and fasting on which direction I want to take. I am thinking about pursuing my education and do online schooling and getting my Pharmacy Technician Degree.

We are so excited for this new chapter in our lives and cant wait for all the new memories we will be making!! Here are some pictures from our last picnic on Mt. Graham. We were feeling very sentimental our last days there so we made a little trip up to the mountain where we shared our second date. We had a great time reminiscing about the things we talked about on that date and how much fun we had. Love simple dates like those.

Stress Overload

I dont think I have ever been this stressed in my whole life. Finances, money, packing, moving, school, finals. Can these next couple of weeks just be done so we can get on with our summer vacation?

This is how I feel:

Finals/School

Packing: Hate it.

Finances: Our poor piggy bank, all of these moving fees and apt finances are clearing out our checking account.

Stress..... go away you are not wanted and it definitely is not helping my appearance.


The only thing that is keeping me going is knowing this is coming up in July: Family Vacation To Newport!






Family Vacation 2011 - Huntington / Newport from Steve Connolly on Vimeo.

The Break

I am behind on my blogging and will be for the next couple of weeks till school is out. Spring Break went by so fast. Ethan and I were separated the whole week since Ethan's Grandpa Bill died and he had to go to Idaho for the funeral and I had to stay in Mesa for Brittany and Shea's wedding. I missed him terribly. Here are some photos from that week. Enjoy!

Brittanys Bachelorette Party

Got to spend the whole afternoon with my nephew Benson

Best friends/bridesmaids reunited for Britt and Shea's wedding!

Ethan sent me this picture from Idaho of my nephew Birch. Isnt he cute? Cant wait to meet him!

1 year anniversary

Monday the 19th was Ethan and I's one year anniversary! Cant believe it has been a whole year since I married my best friend! Best year of my life! 


We woke up to snow in THATCHER! It was crazy to see the fields covered in snow and to see snowflakes falling down in the valley.


Ethan and I went to Mesa for spring break so we left that morning. For our anniversary dinner we went to PF Changs (we went to that exact same restaurant on our honeymoon) We are going to make it a tradition to go there for each anniversary!

We are pretty much out of money so we told each other a long time ago to not spend a lot of money on our anniversary gifts( I was lying  though) I got Ethan the brand new Outdoors HD GoPro Hero 2 camera! It took most of my bank account but seriously this boy deserved it! I told him that I was just making him something handmade for our anniversary so that he would be super surprised! Low and behold he didn't hold back either. He got me the wedge heels I have been obsessing over for months now online. HE IS THE BEST.


After dinner we went to The Sugar Bowl and had some ice cream and then went to the movies. I think they knew it was our anniversary because we had the whole theater to ourselves (E said he bought it out for our anniversary...ha I will just try and keep on thinking that's what happened).


Here are a couple pictures from our love fest. 

Instagram Pic

I didnt just want to hand Ethan his present. I wanted it to be special so I made him coupons,wrapped them up, and he opened them at dinner. He thought that was my present to him...ha! Each coupon had something free for him that he could use and next to it had a little picture. Well I made about eight coupons and he went through them and then the last coupon said: This coupon is good for one free anniversary present and next to it was a picture of a Go Pro. I then pulled the Go Pro out of my purse... I wish I could have filmed his face! He was ecstatic!  I would say that I did pretty good :)

Yes those are the new oxford wedge heels he got me :)

I love you E!

Donations

I am obsessing.... our couch is broken and its really giving me back problems.... mom if you are reading this, yes, we turned it over and no, it cannot be fixed. SOOOOO if anyone wants to buy me this couch or make a donation to our couch fund that would be great. But in all seriousness I am in love with this sectional from ikea and want it badly.

I keep thinking of how cute it would look in our home and how I could decorate it with the cutest pillows.... oh the possibilities!

a night out

I know I have posted this picture on both instagram and facebook but I just had the best weekend. Ethan and I have been slacking big time when it comes to date nights together so we decided to go for dinner and a movie.


Here in small town Thatcher you don't have many choices of restaurants to choose from. Since we are on the atkins diets( Ethan has lost over 20lbs..so proud of him.. me only 11) We decided on Denny's since it has a variety of different meals and it is one of the most fanciest restaurants here...I know its sad.


After Dinner we headed over to the movie theaters. There is only one movie theater in town and it has five screens. We were hoping to see "This Means War" but they weren't playing it so we went with the movie "Gone". We had an hour in a half to kill before the movie started so we headed to Bashas and got us some 0 cal drinks for 99 cents but they werent cold so we got some free ice from sonic and had fun in the car taking pictures until our movie started. The movie was ok but we really just had the time of our lives being together out on a date. We definitely need to keep up with our date nights.


Today (Sunday) we went to church and then after church we packed us up a blanket, food, and music and rode our bikes(motorcycle & scooter) and went for a picnic! It was a blast and the weather was perfect! Love afternoons like these! We also video taped a lot of our day today so Ethan will be making a video soon and I will post it here when he is done! :)

Saturday Date Night:

Sunday Picnic

BR

(Just a heads up this is a long post so if you don't know Britt and I then it might be a little boring and a little sappy) 


So this post is long past due. Brittany got engaged at the beginning of December and I just haven't had the time to post anything about it! But let me tell you how happy I am for both her and Shea. They get married next month and I cannot wait. 

Britt and I have known each other since we were two. We were best friends when we were little. We grew apart in Junior High but Junior Year in High School we reconnected and now are best friends! Britt and I have been through a lot together. We were college roommates for almost two years. It was a big adjustment living together at first but we got used to it and had the best college experience ever! I cant count how many times Britt has been there for me in my life, especially when I had some difficult decisions to make.


It is so funny how both of our love stories are kind of alike. We both had missionaries we were dead set on, we both dated around, we both found our best friends and both of them turned into our husband and soon to be husband and they both had to WAIT FOREVER to get us. I think this happened for a reason though. Because of this Britt and I were both able to be there for each other and knew exactly what the other was going through. 


But the thing I am most grateful for is what a great friend she has been to me throughout these past couple of years. I cant type this without crying...and that means a lot because if you know me I am not much of a cryer. I cant tell you how much she means to me and the special friendship we have and will always have.


Brittany was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. One night I was dealing with a lot and was so confused (it was about ethan) It was late at night and I thought Britt was asleep and I started crying. long story short she heard me and for a couple of hours I laid on Britts bed with her and she just let me cry and comforted me until I felt better. Another time was when we were in a jeep roll over accident. We were with some boys and for some odd reason I just HAD to have Brittany go with me. I begged her and she finally said yes. Well boys will be boys and they rolled the jeep. There were four girls in the backseat and they all landed on me squishing me between them and the jeep door and the ground. I knew there was a reason I made britt go with me. She was the one who comforted me and took me to the emergency room and stayed with me all through the night. She was the one who woke up every two hours that night and gave me concussion checks by asking me what 2+2 was. She was the one who missed classes and took me to the doctor when I had my strep throat. She was the one who made tinfoil boats with me and raced them down the canal and the one who danced around crazy with me at the institute dances.


Britt and I have had a lot of special experiences together. The one that stands out in my mind was a certain Fast Sunday. Britt and I were sitting in church, someone was at the podium talking and I cant remember why but Britt leaned over to me with tears in her eyes and said "Kayli, I just realized that one of us will not be able to see the other one get married in the temple." we just sat there looking at each other for a couple seconds with tears streaming down our faces. We had talked A LOT about marriage but the thought never came to us that one of us would not be there for the others sealing. By this time we were both really crying. I leaned over and grabbed her hand. I remember feeling the spirit so strongly and I knew that Brittany and I were supposed to be friends here on earth. I knew that moment that we would always be good friends and always be there for one another. Knowing that we were supposed to be friends was such a sweet experience and such a great blessing to have. Now that I look back on it I am sad Britt wasn't able to attend my sealing but I am even happier that I will be able to see her go through the temple and be sealed to Shea.


Sorry this post is so gushy... but I am just so grateful for mine and Brittany's friendship! I am so grateful Shea and Brittany found each other and that they will be sealed for time and all eternity. And as for Shea, I couldn't have picked a better man for Brittany. He is one of the most generous people I know.  I cant tell you how many times he has helped me and Ethan out. I am grateful that Ethan calls Shea one of his good friends and that our two husbands get along so well together. I am grateful he treats my best friend the way she should be treated. He knows her better than anyone and is such a great guy. I love you both and cant wait for your wedding!

Dont laugh at this next picture... I know that I am three times bigger than Brittany... I just tell myself that it is because I am sitting forward and she isn't...haha!

Love you BR

The Happy Couple: