Twin Girls Part 2: The Delivery

So like I said... at 33 weeks we went in for my normal NST. Once again Hazel failed so I went into another room for our ultrasound. Usually Hazel passes the ultrasound by either moving or hiccuping in a certain amount of time. We waited and waited for Hazel to do SOMETHING but she never did. Jen Mallet, our good friend and ultrasound tech, went and talked to the doctor and they decided to send us to the hospital. As soon as I got into the car anxiety hit me hard. This isn't how its supposed to go! I'm not ready. I'm only 33 weeks. I am supposed to wake up in bed at 40 weeks with my water breaking or having contractions like every other pregnant lady out there. I'm supposed to be happy to be going to the hospital and meeting my babies! I wanted to get to at least 36 weeks. Hazel is still too small! What if she doesn't make it? What if they both don't make it? I cant lose my babies! These feelings were horrible. I just wanted to curl up in a little ball and stay like that until things were supposed to happen the normal way; but I couldn't. Hazel needed me to be strong. She was fighting for her life. She had been since she was conceived. So I wiped away my tears and Ethan and I were off to Banner Desert.

 We got to the hospital and checked into triage. They got me changed, hooked up, and started monitoring the babies heart rates. The doctors told me that they were most likely going to keep me for observation and see what Hazel decided to do. A little while later my parents showed up and sat with me. About an hour into monitoring I randomly started contracting. I guess the babies knew I was in the hospital and decided they wanted to come. The contractions got to be a minute apart and it hurt like no ones business. The nurse came in and was shocked. We were only supposed to be monitoring the babies but instead I was going into labor! She checked my cervix and at 33 weeks I was 100% effaced and 4-5cm dilated. WHAT? This was not happening. The doctors were shocked and immediately put me on a new bed and took me up to a new room.

 They got me hooked up to IV's and pumped me FULL of magnesium to stop the contractions. It didnt really work. I was in that room with contractions getting steroid shots for the babies lungs for two whole days. The magnesium made me extremely sick, tired, and loopy. I was not able to eat or drink anything. I got no sleep since the nurse had to come in every two minutes to check on the babies. The only thing that I can really recall was my whole family coming into visit me. I remember my husband, my brothers and my dad surrounding me to give me a blessing. It was beautiful. Thursday morning at 5am I had a couple of BIG contractions and with each contraction Hazels heart rate went down. At 6am they told me to call my parents because they were taking me into an emergency c-section. I was in shock. I had no choice. The magnesium made me feel drunk. I could barely talk. It was horrible.

 My whole body was shaking uncontrollably. I was scared out of my mind. Once I sat on the surgical table I knew I was in good hands. The nurses were the nicest I have ever met. Since it was an emergency c-section I didn't know any of the doctors but I have never felt more OK in my whole life. They stroked my arms. They stroked my hair. Two full sets of NICU nurses all came and hugged me. Everyone was there for my babies. I could have cared less about myself. I just wanted my babies to be alive. I remember thinking over and over in my head "please be alive, please be alive, please make it." I got my epidural and then we began.

Ethan got to stand and watch over the curtain. He loved it. I could feel the pressure of them pulling the babies out. First came my perfect Parley Fay. 4lbs 5oz and 18in long. The NICU nurses quickly grabbed her and slightly showed me her face as they ran her back behind me to the incubators. A minute later came my brave Hazel Emery. 2lbs 5oz and 14in long. They didn't even allow me to see her since she wasn't breathing. They suctioned her nose and mouth out which didn't help so they had to put a breathing tube down her throat. Ethan said as soon as they put the tube down her little throat she opened her eyes (Ethan was able to capture that tiny moment of her opening her eyes for the very first time. Picture below). Yes, I missed the chance of having them lay big healthy babies on my chest and letting me hold them and kiss them. But in that moment I was the happiest I have ever been. I made my sweet husband leave my side to go be with them. The happiest moment of my life some people might not understand. I was laying there on the table with the surgeons sewing me up. MY BABIES WERE ALIVE! Nothing in the world mattered except that. They looked like babies. Yes they were tiny but they were living and breathing and I have never felt that much joy. They were alive and I was going to have them forever! Right before they were about to leave and move up to the NICU they brought Parley and Hazel over to me so I could meet them for the first time and touch their little faces. I had never seen faces as tiny as theirs but they were all mine and they were perfect.

 Parley Fay Amon

 Hazel Emery Amon

They took me to the quiet reovery room for me to rest. Ethan was up in the NICU with the babies. My mom and dad also got to go up and meet them. I was so jealous. Everyone was looking and touching the girls while I laid there with my thoughts. My mom then came down to be with me. My mom told me of the special moment she had with Hazel. We were both in tears. We didn't think she had trisomy 18 by the way she looked but then again we didn't know too much about it. Later on that week we would look up symptoms and notice little by little that she had indicators of T18. Her small placenta in the womb. Her tiny but beautiful clenched fingers. Her little rocker bottom feet. Her poor little lungs and heart. But we wouldn't really know for sure until they ordered her blood labs that would come back on that Monday. So we didn't worry or think about it. We just wanted those days with her to be happy and filled with love and memories. On the way to my new hospital room the doctor wheeled my bed up to the NICU so that I could get one last glimpse at them before sleeping my life away. It broke my heart. I wasnt allowed to touch them. They were confined in their incubators hooked up to wires and tubes. My little hazel had a respirator in her mouth helping her breathe. It was so hard. But they were ALIVE and I was so grateful...

to be continued :)

Twin Girls Part 1: The Pregnancy

The question is... where to even begin? So many people have messaged me wanting to know exactly what happened. I am now ready to tell my story. I don't want everyone to read a HUGE long post so I will make it into parts.

Part 1: The Pregnancy
Everyone's number one question was did I know before hand my Hazel would die? No.....no I didn't.

If any of you follow me you know that I had such a hard time getting pregnant. So to find out that I was expecting twins was the best feeling ever. To top it off I got exactly what I wanted. TWIN GIRLS! At 6 weeks we noticed that Twin B was a couple days behind Twin A. The doctors said it was completely normal since they were fraternal twins and that she was most likely conceived a couple days later. After that ultrasound we decided to name our girls. Twin A would be Parley Fay Amon and Twin B would be Hazel Emery Amon. I had a great pregnancy so far and started to show right away.

 At week 19 we went in for the routine Anatomy ultrasound where they do a detailed look at both babies and make sure everything is OK. It took 2 hours long. The ultrasound tech couldn't get a good look at their little bodies because everything was so squished. She didn't say anything to us and acted like everything went well. The next day I got a call from the doctor (at this time we were at a regular OB). He told us that Parley looked amazing and that she was growing perfectly. Hazel was A LOT smaller and they couldn't get a very good shot at her heart and nasal bone. He told us not to worry and that she could be just fine but they needed to get a better view. Of course the first thing I did when I got off the phone was look these symptoms up on the Internet. I googled both heart defect and no nasal bone together and came up with Down Syndrome. I work with special needs; I have my whole life. Heck one of my best friends Brynn Perkins has downs. I knew I could be a great mother to a child with special needs and wasn't upset like I would suspect most people would be. But lets be real for a second. No one wishes upon their child to have certain handicaps. We all expect our babies and children to be happy and healthy and live full long lives. I had my twin girls lives all planned out and dreamt about their first birthdays together, going to Disneyland, beach trips and for the girls to ALWAYS no matter what have a best friend for life. I tried not to think about Hazel having something wrong with her and tried to stay positive.

 Hazel and Parley

The next week we were sent into a high risk specialist. We had a level 2 ultrasound done. This time we were at the office for five hours. Three hours into the ultrasound we had been seen by 3 ultrasound techs, 2 Ob's, and 1 genetics counselor. They confirmed that Hazel had a heart defect and no nasal bone. They also told us that her hands were in a clenching position. By this time my hands were shaking and I was crying. Then they had to go and tell me that my cervix was shortening. Most women's cervix's during pregnancy should be about 4cm until they are ready to deliver. They couldn't even measure my cervix because it was barely there and I was only 23 weeks along for heaven sakes! Mine was barely measured at 6mm. They immediately put me on bed rest.  They informed me that Hazel might just be a normal baby with a small nose and a heart defect or she could have a trisomy. They explained to me that there are three main trisomys which are 13,18, and 21.This means they have an exra chromosome. Trisomy 13 and 18 are not compatible with life and usually are still borns or miscarriages. Trisomy 21 is down syndrome. The very next day I was sent to the geneticist. He told me all about genetics and chromosomes. He then asked me if I wanted a amnio done where they stick a needle inside my belly to get amniotic fluid then test it to see if they have any defects. Amnios are very risky especially being 23 weeks along. I decided not to have one done. I didn't want to risk losing both of my babies that I waited so long to have and I knew if my baby had special needs I would love her anyway. Although I didn't get an amnio I did decide to get a test done that takes my blood and checks for trisomy's in the babies. The test is not one hundred percent accurate but I decided on it anyway to give me some peace of mind. I got my results two weeks later. The geneticist told me good news and that the test came back negative. I knew it wasn't one hundred percent accurate but I prayed every night that she didn't have one. I even prayed that she had down syndrome. I honestly really didn't think Hazel had a trisomy or that she would die. None of us did.

 My little Hazel

 At week 26 I went in every two weeks to see a children's cardiologist (fetal heart doctor). Those appointments would take hours long in horribly uncomfortable positions to get good looks at Hazels heart. They found out that Hazel had a heart condition called Tetralogy of Fallot. Basically a big whole in her heart. Because she had this she would need heart surgery 6-9 months after birth. At 27 weeks we went in for our weekly ultrasound appointments. I was now switched over to PPA (high risk pregnancy office). I had a normal ultrasound done and found out that Hazel was a pound smaller than Parley and was then scheduled for NST's (Non stress tests) 2 times a week. This is where they hook me up to a machine to monitor the babies movements. Each time I went in Hazel would fail her test and we would have to do an ultrasound that day too.

 Non stress tests.....boo!

 Over my whole pregnancy I had about 50 ultrasounds done. I cannot complain about ALL my visits because I got to see my babies ALL the time. Most moms die to see there babies and only get a few done their whole pregnancy. Having so many ultrasounds really bonded me to my babies especially Hazel since they mostly revolved around her. I think Parley laid low and let Hazel have most of the attention because she knew I needed those special months of feeling her inside me. Hazel was so stubborn during her earlier ultrasounds. She was such a wiggle worm and the doctors always commented on how much she moved while Parley would just hang out. By week 27 my belly was measuring 51 weeks pregnant and I was completely miserable. I wasn't allowed to do anything. I had nothing holding my babies in. If I HAD to go anywhere someone had to drive me and then wheel chair me to my destination. It felt like they were going to fall out at any minute. But I HAD to keep them in. I couldn't lose them both. Our goal was to get me to at least 30 weeks for the babies to be alive when we delivered. Parley, Mommy's laid back baby, was really low and loved kicking my bladder. And Hazel, Mommy's little stinker, was way up in my ribs. I'm surprised she never broke them. There is nothing better than to feel not one but two miracles inside of you! By week thirty I was depressed. I never felt more alone in my entire life. I was worried every second when Ethan was at work that I would go into labor and lose my babies. My family had a lot going on around that time with other serious family matters so I never really had any visitors. I just laid on the couch or bed only getting up to pee and fix me small meals that wouldn't keep me on my feet for too long. Week 30, 31, and 32 came and went. Hallelujah my little Hazel and my cervix made it past 30 weeks! At week 33 we went in for what would be my last doctors appointment.....

 to be continued..... :)